Don't EVER discipline children!

I just read an email from my friends at Love and Logic. They made a great point in their correspondence. When we are in discipline-mode we can loose our emotions in the interaction. We get upset with the child and their wrong behavior. This type of reaction doesn't usually lead to long-term behavior change and often damages our relationship with the child.

Instead, we should always be in a teaching-mode. Yes, we teach academics, but we also teach responsibility and respect. When we go into a situation with this attitude we remain calm and we get sad instead of mad. Children are more likely to respond positively to this type of response and the relationship is strengthened because you treated them with dignity and respect.

Happy teaching and cheers!

Offering Choices

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We spoke earlier this week about sharing control with children by offering them choices.  Now, both choices must make you "deliriously happy." Do not offer one choice you like and one that you don't particularly prefer.  Children will quickly sense which choice you don't like and will invariably go with it (Fay & Funk, 1995).

Here are some great examples of simple choices that will influence a child's cooperation and self-esteem:

• "Would you guys rather wear your jackets out to recess, or would you rather carry them?"
• "This assignment needs to completed this week. Would you rather make the deadline Thursday or Friday? It's up to you."
• "Today you have you choice of working alone or with a friend. You decide."
• "Would you rather play by the rules, or learn about the game by watching the others play? Let me know what you think."
• For parents, "Do you want to go to your room with your feet touching the ground or not touching the ground?" Our daughter is very familiar with this one.

More great examples of choices in the classroom: Page 154 in Teaching with Love and Logic.

Now, when you really need to make a call on something without giving kids a choice, you can say something like, "I usually give you guys lots of opportunities to choose and make your own decisions, right? I do, don't I? Now it is my turn to make a choice. I need everyone to..." Giving choices throughout the day lessens kickback when you have to make a tough/quick decision.

Offering choices sends three clear messages:
1.) I respect you.
2.) You are able to make choices that are in your best interest.
3.) You can think for yourself.

Make it a great day or not, the choice is yours!

Cheers!
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Pick up your own copy of Teaching with Love and Logic by Fay and Funk.  You will not be disappointed.

Delay Consequences

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Love and Logic Skill: Delay Consequences

Discipline Myth: When students break the rules, consequences must follow immediately.

The reverse is actually true, consequences do not need to immediately follow the misbehavior.  Consider the following teacher response:

"This kind of talk is not acceptable in this classroom.  I'm going to have to do something about that. I don't know what it will be because I'm busy teaching right now. I'll let you know what I decide in the morning. Don't worry about it tonight."

Here are the many benefits of delaying the consequence:

• You buy yourself time to think of an appropriate natural consequence instead of quickly assigning a generic punishment.  You have time to discuss consequences with colleagues and friends.
• You have time to cool off and avoid speaking out in frustration.
• The student will most likely be in a better emotional state when you share the consequence.
• You can get back to teaching quicker.
• You play a little reverse psychology with the student.  That last line ("Don't worry about it tonight.") will have the reverse effect.  It will cause the student to worry about what the consequence will be.
• IMPORTANT: You have to follow-though with the sharing a consequence. If not, you loose your credibility and your talk becomes cheap.

Pick up a copy of Teaching with Love and Logic by Fay and Funk.  You will not be disappointed.